Too many times, when parents divorce or break up, the parent who gets primary custody of the children takes the attitude that the children also divorced or broke up with that "other" parent. The "other" parent is denied visitation, denied access to school or health records, prevented from talking with the children on the phone or by email. Gradually - or sometimes rather quickly - the non-custodial parent is turned from a "weekend" parent into a "sometime" parent, into no parent at all.

Whenever parents break up through a divorce, the divorce decree will almost always set a custodial parent, and set out a visitation schedule for the non-custodial parent. If the parents aren't married and break up, then the non-custodial parent must go to court and have the court enter a visitation schedule. This most often happens when the custodial parent files for child support.

This is absolutely contrary to almost every state's laws concerning non-custodial parents. Although this article does not pretend to offer legal advice, if you look at the statutes and cases of your state, you will generally find that:
a) visitation between the children and the non-custodial parent is presumed to be in the children's best interests;
b) nothing is considered so important as to take precedence over the visitation schedule;
c) the custodial parent generally has no authority to modify the visitation schedule; and
d) the visitation schedule is enforceable by the contempt authority of the court, which includes putting the custodial parent in jail if necessary. Also, most states have laws guaranteeing the non-custodial parent full and unfettered access to a child's school and health records, in the absence of a protective order restricting such access.

So what does this mean if you are being squeezed out of your children's lives? Plenty. The above four statements mean that you can call the police to the scene if you are denied visitation for no apparent reason. You can also petition the court to hold your ex in contempt for EACH denial of parenting time (this may require a separate petition for contempt for each violation, but after the first few, the Court will get the message). Many states allow you to petition for an injunction to enforce the visitation schedule, if you being denied access to your children for no reason. By "no reason," it means "no valid or legal reason," not her excuses of "the children have a birthday party" or "they don't want to go" or "your girlfriend drinks."

It also means that you can confront the keeper of your children's records and get access without necessity of a court order or permission of the custodial parent, again, in the absence of a protective order restricting such access. And, if the custodial parent claims there is a protective order, then the custodial parent must produce the actual order. The custodian of the records cannot simply rely on the custodial parent's statement that you are restricted from accessing the records. The records are important so that you can know what is happening with your child as he or she grows up. And, as a practical matter, it gives you something to talk about with your kids when you actually get to see them. Mental health and counseling records may have additional restrictions because of privacy concerns, so you need to check your state's statutes on this point.

If you are being denied time with your children, after a divorce or a breakup with the other parent, you must aggressively enforce your rights in court. You may not get them the first time you go to court (there are way too many judges that are stuck in a time-warp, and will listen to garbage like "the kids don't want to go over"), but no one else will enforce the rights of your kids to be raised by you. Be aggressive - be persistent - be IN your children's lives.