It seems like a contradiction to say that an emotionally abusive relationship can be the result of acts of kindness on the part of the minister.
But it happens. Especially when kindness is not asked for by the targeted person. It is also common for actions of kindness to have a negative effect on those who were not direct beneficiaries of the kindness.
There is a famous example from the Life of Saint Francis of Assisi, the son of a wealthy middle-class merchant, who kissed a leper on the lips as an act of kindness.
History does not give us the leper's reaction. But it is not far-fetched to imagine that the leper may not have appreciated such a symbolic gesture of Francis's identification with the poor and marginalized. For all we know, the leper may have feared compounding his own illness by catching something equally dreadful from St. Francis.
Now by the time that happened, St. Francis was running about practicing poverty by not bathing and dressing in burlap rags... much to the shame of his father. Francis reportedly also gave away the contents of his father's shop while his father was away.
Francis's father was so distressed by his son's 'kindnesses' that he actually locked Francis in a cell in their home for a year.
Kindness, like any intervention into people's lives, can have unexpected and even astonishing results.
As with any intervention by a minister into people's lives...the minister has to be careful not to cross other people's boundaries in a way that would render the ministry ineffective... one that God could not rely on to bring his people safely home.
The link below provides an example from the clinical record, not unlike the example of St. Francis, where a priest earned a death threat from a man whose values were deeply offended by the priest's kindnesses to his children.
Thomas Drummond, Ph.D. is trained in clinical, developmental and neuropsychology. He has worked with the problems of clergy and religious of the catholic church for more than 20 years. The solution to most of their problems was not diagnosis...but definition of proper boundaries in their relationships with people. Even kindness must have its boundaries for effective ministry. Learn more at...
http://www.boundaries-for-effective-ministry.org/emotionally-abusive-relationship
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