I bet you're sitting there right now going over the last moments that you spent together. I bet you remember what he was wearing, what his facial expressions were, where he touched you or didn't touch you. You're also thinking about how you reacted to what he was saying, his body movements and wondering if you could've said anything that would change the outcome of . . . your breakup.

You could go over it a million times, but it won't change the fact that you're here in this situation right now. He's gone for the time being and you're alone and not happy about it. So you're coming up with different scenarios of how you might get your ex boyfriend back. Unfortunately, none of the ideas you have so far seem likely to get him back.

I know how you feel. You're not some kooky ex girlfriend who wants to pull some wacky scheme to get him back. You know the kind they show in TV movies where the heroine acts all dopey and gets the love of her life back regardless of how ridiculous she acts? Wacky doesn't work in real life and you're just looking for a reasonable strategy to get him interested in you again.

First thing you need to do, sister, is to sit back and take stock of where you are in your life right now. Are you in a good place where you're strong on your own? Or do you need a man like your ex hanging on your arm to feel like a whole person? If you are feeling very emotionally needy right now then turn to a girlfriend and cry on her shoulder. Do not contact your ex and whine, beg or cry for him to call you or come over and be with you.

You may think that pleading with him will make him feel guilty enough to contact you, but you'd be wrong. He'll push you away further. He doesn't want to deal with you in your emotionally needy state. So get yourself together and suck it up. You are your own woman with or without him. You want him in your life because you love him and hopefully he brings something special to the relationship. But, you don't need him to survive (even though I know it feels like it right now).

Breakups hurt and you have a right to feel sad, lonely and heartbroken. However, if you want him back, you're gonna have to show him that he's missing out on being with a great woman. I mean, you're awesome, right?

So act like it. Get your hair done. Buy some new clothes. Hold your head up high. You're going to be okay. Now, the second thing you can do is completely accept the fact that it's okay you're broken up. You can make it more real by letting him know that you're okay with it and can handle it like a mature grownup. Write him a short note letting him know why you agree with it and give a short apology if needed. Then breezily let him know you'd still like to be friends and stay in touch.

But doesn't this close the door to being a couple again?

No. Actually, it opens the door to a new beginning with him. He now doesn't have to worry that you're going to freak out every time he sees you. It's safe for him to talk to you again and have friendly conversation.

Meanwhile, you'll be secretly planning out your strategy for how you're going to slowly win back his heart. You see how this works?

You must have a clear plan of action in order to get your boyfriend back. First, though, you've got to let him know that you're an okay gal and he doesn't have any reason to push you away.