It is a common complaint heard from parents and teachers alike. "The kids just don't seem to listen." Why? It is important to realize that our children have grown up in a fast moving, highly visual world. Video games offer high quality visual stimulation and the opportunity to develop strategies and make choices, but little or no opportunity to develop listening skills. Television and movies also offer high level visuals. Unfortunately you don't need to listen very hard or very long to get the main idea. By the time your child attends school, s/he really needs to develop a higher level of listening to succeed in the classroom. What can parents do?
If you find yourself thinking that you are "talking to the wall" in your household and that your children aren't really listening very well, there are some things you can do to help the situation. First, it is important to know that some children, and adults, too, don't do well with information they must listen to. They learn best when given something to look at, such as a model of a finished project, or by actually doing an activity. So showing your child a picture of what you are talking about, or showing your child what you want his room to look like after it is cleaned up, or doing a chore or activity with your child several times, will help.
To help your child develop listening skills, keep in mind the following points:
• Gain the child's attention before speaking. Make sure you have your child's full attention before talking to him or giving a direction. Talk directly to your child. Avoid talking to him from across the room. You may consider developing a key phrase to let your child know that you are about to say something important. Such as, "Johnny, it's time to listen." or "Mary, incoming!". Notice that the child's name is always used at the beginning of the direction to gain attention. Some children also respond well to a touch or a tap to get their attention.
• Repeat and rephrase what you have said. Don't expect your child to get everything you have said the first time, especially if you have given a complex direction or if your child is very young. Repeat what you have said, or rephrase the direction. Change the quality or pitch of your voice, or the emphasis on certain words.
• Request feedback from your child frequently. After you have given your child a direction and restated it, ask your child what it is he is supposed to do now. Try to make this a habit so that your child will expect that you will want to hear the direction repeated. Your child will learn to become accountable for what he hears. He will expect to have to tell you what you have said.
• Encourage your child to ask you to repeat what you have said if he did not quite understand you or did not hear you. Remember, even adults need to ask a speaker to repeat a statement at times. Your child needs to feel that it is "OK" to ask you to say something again. This is also a good attitude to take to school. Your child needs to feel confident to ask the teacher to repeat something if he needs to. It's a good idea to inform the teacher right away that you have taught your child to ask for a repetition and he should not be penalized for doing so.
So try using these ideas at home and see if your child becomes a better listener. Help your child "tune in" and really listen.
Janet McCauley is a speech language pathologist with almost 30 years of experience working with children from birth to 21 years of age. She is developing a website featuring articles related to communication and language development. The purpose of the site http://www.childparentcommunication.com is to provide information and suggestions that may strengthen communication in the family.
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