What wife hasn't said this at some point in her marriage? "I need help understanding my husband," because sometimes living with him is like living with someone from another planet. Sometimes he seems like an alien who has a different language, different customs and a different purpose for the toilet seat.

But why? Why do I need help understanding my husband? We're supposed to live happily ever after, right? Did Cinderella need help understanding her Prince? I thought I understood him while we dated. But did I really, or was I just waiting for the wedding to be over so I could start changing him to be more like me?

As young girls we were "trained" on fairy tales. We grew up believing that falling in love with our own "Prince Charming" is all we need. If we are lucky enough to find our prince, the fairy-tale ending will naturally follow. Then we get married and realize it's not that easy.

The good news is, just like learning the language and customs of a foreign exchange student, you can learn to understand your husband, to speak and understand his language.

Admitting you're different is the first step. Trying to understand your husband on the same grounds as you would a sister or a close girlfriend just won't work. You've got to be the student, studying him and his likes, dislikes, dreams and fears. Learn what makes him tick. Instead of jumping immediately into frustration over a miscommunication or misunderstanding, take a step back and ask yourself why.

Now, as a "student" you have a choice: You can see him as a science project and wonder "what the heck is it?" Or you can view your husband as the greatest treasure yet discovered that you have the opportunity of deciphering. You will find that your attitude will make all the difference in how you pursue understanding your husband, and how he will respond to your "studies".

A big question is, where do I find help? There are a number of excellent resources on the internet and in books. Or try talking with a couple whose marriage you respect for its success and longevity. Unfortunately talking only amongst other wives can turn into "man-bashing" and be counter-productive.

When you have put in some effort to comprehending the man you've chosen over all others, hopefully you will rediscover all the reasons why you fell in love in the first place. As a wife, do I need help understanding my husband? If you're like most women, probably! Will getting help pay off? Definitely!