So, you and your now ex have called it quits. Are you having second, third, and fourth thoughts? Can you think about nothing else except what you don't have anymore?

As difficult as it may be, the hard fact is that when we allow our emotions to dictate our actions, it is highly unlikely that we will get the desired results. So, think carefully about this. If you are still in love with your ex and not just peeved because he or she walked out on you instead of you "dumping them", and the relationship is definitely worth saving, what can you do to succeed with "how to get my ex back"?

Stop and ask yourself "How do I feel?"

Does it still really hurt? Are you calm about the situation, or not?

Perhaps the break up was quite amicable, but now you realize that you miss your ex more than you thought you would. But, what if the break up was particularly harsh and painful for both parties?

What I am getting at is, if it was tough, both you and your ex are going to need time and space. Never make decisions based purely on emotions. Don't go chasing after your ex as a way to get him or her back, especially when emotions are still strong, and both of you are still feeling vulnerable.

You must recognize the existing problems and get them in the open. Usually, both people are to blame for not fulfilling each other's needs. You might discover you never knew what those needs were because you failed to share. Sharing is bonding. In order to share, you must communicate and learn about each other's feelings and needs. Both of you could be hurting without either one knowing.

What can you do?

Neither of you may be to blame. This is why communication and sharing are so important in a relationship. As you disclose your feelings be rational, reasonable, and calm. No one wins an argument or an angry discussion.

One must treat his or her own feelings with respect, listen to the inner voice, but these thoughts and feelings must be weighed and limited. Learn where your resistance is low, and try to avoid situations where you might give in to temptation. Avoid useless battles with yourself, and learn to say no to yourself, and others. But, also learn when to say 'yes'.

Study personal strengths and weaknesses and what energizes and motivates you. Use these to produce behaviors that could enhance the relationship. Take responsibility for your own satisfaction. Find individual happiness; don't depend on your spouse for personal fulfillment. This is selfish. True love never expects or demands anything in return. Happiness comes from within.

Be smart and take the route of least resistance. Take time to think things through, understand how you contributed to splitting up and take the necessary action to fix it. Then, when ready, start communicating with your ex in a positive, non-blaming manner and start to rebuild the relationship.