When I talk to people about confidence, or rather the lack of confidence the subject of relationships invariably comes up and its incredible how much a break-up can effect us and can bring our self-confidence and self-esteem come crashing to the ground.

So what's the best way to get over a break-up? Is it to get out there and date as many people as quickly as possible or is it to hibernate and avoid all contact with human beings ad-infinitum? Well probably neither of those things will work and there are literally thousands of books out there about how you can get over a break up and you can spend money on those and they may or may not work but I really believe the key to recovery is all about belief - in yourself and your future.

I was fairly recently dumped, I've been single now 18 months and getting dumped is one of those things that happens when you're single, sometimes you are the dumper and sometimes you are the dumpee but this last one got me a little upset and to be honest I couldn't work out why because I was at the stage where I was considering dumping him anyway because I really wasn't 'into him', so why was I so fed up?

It occurred to me that I wasn't sad about the particular guy, after all, 6 months ago I didn't even know he existed and my life was just dandy, no I was sad about what my self-talk had manufactured in my mind about my future - I was sad that I hadn't met the man of my dreams that was going to run off into the sunset with me and live happily ever after, I was sad that I'd lost my dream - but the truth is I haven't lost my dream, its still there and currently has a position vacant for the role of leading male, but the dream is still there and I have absolutely no doubt in my mind my dream will come true - well maybe not the running into the sunset bit because me and exercise don't really get on but the rest is true.

When we break-up with someone we go through a grieving process of the person yes, but also the lost dream and I think that's why we sometimes yo-yo back and forth with someone that we know is no good for us - it keeps the dream alive!

I like to think of breaking up with someone in a different way - for me, every time I meet someone and it doesn't work out then I'm actually getting closer to my dream because its just a way of ticking off all the unsuitable people before I meet Mr Right. Think of being dumped as something to be pleased about because they are giving you the chance to move on and meet Mr Right rather than sticking around with Mr Wrong. When you think of it in this way being dumped takes on a whole different meaning, its just someone saying to you, "I'm not Mr Right and I release you to find him" - they are actually doing you a favour!!!!

Being dumped takes practice, but the next time you are, put a smile on your face, thank them, put on your heels and your lipstick and because you are one step closer now, prepare to meet the very fabulous Mr Right...