Have someone you simply cannot forgive?

Their behavior was totally uncalled for; you are so very much the victim; and the very thought of forgiving them makes your blood boil! You earned the right to be peeved and you are not about to let them get off so easy.

Or maybe you have done something so against your behavior that you simply cannot bring yourself to ask for forgiveness. Maybe it's something the other person is not aware of and by asking forgiveness you will bring what you did to light... or maybe you are simply embarrassed or resistant to ask them to forgive you. The ego stands tall and says to not do it.

But let's look at Forgiveness in another light... for forgiveness is the first rung on the ladder of Spiritual Growth.

As a child our family frequented the Jersey Shore. Among the various delights to my senses (sea gulls, briny air, sunshine, the boardwalk, and more), there was one store that I always looked forward to seeing. In it's window was a marvelous machine with pink stretchy stuff being pulled on it.

It was a salt-water taffy machine and it was so fascinating. The machine arm would come up and pull the taffy hard, then rotate down and pull the taffy the other way... creating tremendous stress on the candy as it pulled this way and that. The taffy would get stronger as it rotated, and amazingly as hard as the machine pulled, the taffy would not break.

My father would treat me to my own box of Salt Water Taffy. The taste was wonderful and I would chew the candy with delight... until my jaw would tire and soon the taffy box would be put aside or discarded... till our next visit to the shore... when the cycle would begin again.

Now, let's mentally equate "forgiveness" to the salt water taffy machine.

You have an incident -- whether you need to forgive or need forgiveness. Let's call this incident -- the taffy. Let's call your mind (or Ego mind) the taffy pulling machine.

You mentally pull at the incident this way and that. You pull it up to look at it (the arm pulls forward) and you say, yes this is the incident, and with each viewing it grows stronger within you. Then you push the incident to the back of your mind (the other arm of the machine pulls back) until the next time this incident is triggered in your mind.

The incident grows stronger and stronger with each viewing. And soon you find it stuck in your teeth, turning in your gut and your reaction to it becomes quite over-the-top at times. Or perhaps you stuff it deep away building resentment... stuffing it deeper and deeper till it gets more rigid.

To forgive we do not have to ask for -- or offer --forgiveness, though this action could be a healing step for both parties. What we need to do is throw off the switch and stop tugging. Let it go. Forgive (give up) and release it. Say to yourself "This was in the past and I choose to no longer tug at it."

To forgive someone who has wronged you does not mean that you have to invite them back into your life... but you need to let it go - give it up. Otherwise, it will harden in your gut (ulcers) and in your arteries (heart disease) and will clog your life (lack, disease, reckless behavior, error thinking, unwise decisions).

To forgive, you can sit in a meditative state and forgive each person or incident... or you can do a thorough mental cleansing by heartfully saying:

"I forgive everyone and everything, from the past and present. And everyone from the past and present completely forgives me. I forgive completely. I release and I let go. They are free and I am free."

You will feel better. It may be in an instant... it may take a few times.

When the inner tug begins, see yourself releasing your jaw --or bite on the candy -- and simply let go. Or you can mentally see yourself turning off the machine mid-stroke and let go. In time you can really turn the machine off and let it all go.

But before you can achieve that, there is ONE PERSON that you absolutely must forgive for all wrongs (real or imagined). You must forgive yourself.

Spiritual Teacher, Louise Hay has a wonderful technique for this ... the Mirror Technique. Look into the mirror each day and say, "I love and forgive myself."

At first this may seem awkward, but over time it will get easier -- and you may even find yourself smiling at your reflection. And in that place inside from which there is no longer tugging and pulling, that space shall be filled with Love.

And one day without realizing it, you may find yourself feeling better, smiling at strangers, helping others, enjoying the sunrises and sunsets, the sweet smell of flowers or the song of birds. And you will have realized a load has lifted ... and you can leave the first rung and move on to the second rung of the ladder... Gratitude. Being Grateful for all that you have and will have Now.