Every grandparent wants to be liked and respected by their grandchildren. At the same time, they must remain on good terms with the child's parents and often the other set of grandparents as well. Following some basic rules on grandparenting can make everything go more smoothly.
First, remember that you are the grandparent, not the parent. Just as you established rules for your own child, he or she has set rules, and they may not be to your liking. If you want to relax the rules a bit when your grandchild visits, you may be able to. You must, however, discuss it with his or her parents in advance. Tell them where you would like to relax and how much, and then keep your word.
Second, never get into a "gifting" competition with the other grandparents. When adults try to buy a child's affection, everyone loses, especially the child. It does not matter who has the most money or gives the largest gifts. When grown, children will be able to name almost none of the gifts received. However, he or she will remember the time spent together, the fun you had, and the love you gave.
Third, respect the parents' wishes when it comes to forbidden foods, unacceptable behavior, and methods of discipline. If, for instance, snacks are limited to fresh fruit, don't offer a plate of cookies before dinner. If he is not allowed to toss a ball indoors at home, don't let him do it at your house.
Fourth, insist that your grandchildren show respect to both you and your property. Establish, in advance, what will and won't be tolerated. Discuss this with the parents if the grandchild is too young. For example, you might want him to pick up after himself to whatever degree he is able. There is no reason for you to have to crawl around the living room collecting a thousand pieces of building blocks the he refused to replace in the box. If necessary, tell the parents that they need to help clean up when they come for him.
Finally, remember that you must balance what is best for the child with what is best for you. Some grandparents like to have grandchildren visit for the summer. This is not always possible if you are busy with a career, still have children at home, and have to care for an elderly parent. Love your grandchildren, spend whatever time you can with them, and do not let anyone make you feel guilty for not doing more.
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