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How do you get along with your mom and dad, siblings and in-laws? Do you often say things like, "if he would only _________" or "when she is different, our relationship will be so much better".
The most important question is really, "what can I do to make it different?" It is hard enough to change ourselves so why is it that the expectation is always that someone else needs to change? How do you want your relationship with your family to be based on the fact that they will never be different? Each one of us is responsible for our own lives. Where are you taking responsibility in your life and your relationships?
How do you take your control back with family? Here are some steps to do just that using one example of let's say your sister:
1. Be clear on where you are at right now. Is this relationship working for you? If not, what will it take for you to create more of what you want with her and less of what you don't want?
2. Decide how you want your relationship with your sister to be (make sure it is realistic). A clear vision is important here. Write down a paragraph or two describing the ideal relationship to help you get clear.
3. Ensure you have clear boundaries for yourself of what you want and don't want. This will help you articulate them if necessary.
4. Commit to creating your vision... WITHOUT EXPECTATION that she will ever be any different. It only takes YOU to be different and the relationship will be different.
5. Let go of the negative. Focus on the positive and on her strengths. Every single person has strengths (I promise). Instead of trying to be right, decide to be happy.
6. Take one step at a time to get there. Decide just one thing YOU will do different right now. And then as you create success, add another and another. Slowly your clarity will increase and you will know the next step to move you where you want to go.
Will this be easy... probably not... especially since family is really good at pushing our buttons. Will it be worth it? Absolutely! This is the only way for you to take your control back and create more of what you want in your life when other people are involved.
Ask yourself, "if I was on my deathbed would I wish I would have _________________". Make your relationships all that YOU want them to be. If it makes more sense to give up some relationships and form a new vision of family, then go for it. Just make sure you have no regrets.
"To put the world right in order, we must first put the nation in order; to put the nation in order, we must first put the family in order; to put the family in order, we must first cultivate our personal life; we must first set our hearts right." ~ Confucius
Check-in with your own family relationships:
1. primary partner
2. children
3. mom and dad
4. sisters and brothers
5. in-laws
How are your relationships? How do you want them to be? If you are ok with the fact that you don't talk, great. Just be sure you are truly ok with it so you don't have regrets down the road.
If your family is "too far gone", you can still create "family"... it just might look a little different than you first thought. There are many forms of family that can take shape, including: friends, people you work with, the church community or someone else's family. The most important thing of all is that you have a sense of family (whatever that looks like for you) so you have the love and support you need... without regrets.
Find ways to enjoy the journey of family. Family helps you learn and grow. Family creates lasting love and support. Family is a wonderful thing, when you let it be. Shape the family you want in our life.
About this Author
And now I invite you to learn more about Create Your Life by visiting http://www.onpurposetraining.ca
Gina Sebastian is the Create Your Life Expert. She does training and coaching to Create Your Life! instead of just letting life happen to you. Gina, through her company On-Purpose Training, specializes in helping business women in overwhelm create their dream life.
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