Unfortunately, marriages can sometimes go awry. While sometimes effective, seeking help such as marriage guidance does not always work for everyone.
A break-up of a marriage or committed co-habiting partnership can feel impossible to get your head around; but it can be even harder to deal with when there are children involved. But that isn't to say that family life will always stop after a divorce, it is just likely to be altered or different. Getting used to new arrangements can be stressful and upsetting for all parties involved, especially if the kids are going back and forth between two homes.
Two homes
As a child, it can be disorienting having two homes, regardless of the amount of time spent in either. Different rules in each house can further confuse them, so communication is still essential between the mother and father. If the kids stay at one home during the weekdays, and their other home on the weekend; it is possible that this could lead to resentment if one parent has to nag to get them to bed, whilst the other one takes them to the park to have fun.
Joint responsibility
Your family situation will depend on the arrangements of your divorce, but most require communication to continue between the parents. There will always be a thread that connects you to your ex-partner, but it may take time to re-establish conversations of a composed and calm nature if there are still feelings of bitterness after the divorce. If civil is as far as you can push yourself, this is probably still more beneficial to your children than blazing rows.
Special events
Learning to "share" your children can be a challenge; especially around special events such as Christmas and summer holidays. Understanding and compromising can go a long way to keep emotions under control. Planning ahead with your ex-partner can keep the peace, and having a backup plan may be a good idea just in case circumstances change.
Seeking help
If you are having difficulty dealing with your divorce, not-for-profit organisations such as Relate for Parents ( http://www.relateforparents.org.uk/index.php ) have specially trained counsellors who are able to help you cope with your situation by talking through your problems.
Angela Lakenhurst has an interest in families issues in the home such as marriage guidance.
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