There are countless songs and poetry that draw on the pain of cheating as the theme.  Even though we know the pain that can be caused by cheating - or being cheated on - it doesn't seem to deter us much.  Many marriages and relationships have had to deal with the emotional damage from infidelity.  The reasons for ending an affair far outweigh the reasons to keep someone part time.

Even though you know you must end the affair, it is often a frightening process.  There will ultimately be people hurt, including yourself, as a result of the break-up.  Just keep in mind that over the long term it is the best decision.

The first step in ending an affair is to know what caused you to cheat.  Maybe your spouse is emotionally distant, abusive or the sex has dwindled. Perhaps kids have come between you, or your marriage has turned into a "business".  An affair is often not the actual problem - it is a result of ignoring other problems.  

The first thing you must do is identify what is wrong and come up with a plan to fix things.  Even if your partner isn't on board, you have to find reasons for ending an affair from your intrinsic sense of right and wrong.

While deciding what is causing you to cheat, you must at the same time end things with your part-time lover.  Be firm and decisive.  Be prepared for some emotional hurt, but once you have determined that you can't see them, you must find ways to make it stick.  Change your phone number or email if it is too hard to resist responding to contact.  Never try ending an affair in person - the emotional aspect will make it too difficult.

There are mixed camps on whether you should tell your partner about your infidelity.  Some say keep it quiet and deal with the guilt of ending an affair on your own.  If you decide to tell your partner, be prepared for a long healing period.  There is no pain like your partner cheating on you.  

If you do decide to tell your partner, then make sure that you know whether you want your marriage to work or not ahead of time.  The healing process from cheating can take months to years while you regain your partners trust.  Counseling will be imperative - and while expensive, it's much cheaper than divorce in the long run.

Ending an affair means that you will also need to find ways to keep your mind busy.  Time that had been spent sneaking around will now need to be replaced with constructive activities.  Explore activities to fill your new void in time - become involved with positive people that can help you through things.  Do some volunteer work and find a positive purpose for your life.

Once you have decided that ending an affair is the right choice, you can recover.  There is no question that your heart will ache with longing and loss.  It will take time to recapture your essence as a person, but with dedicated efforts you will heal from the pain that comes with an affair.  No one should settle for half a relationship - you deserve so much more. And, so does your partner.