Sadly, when it comes to divorces, no matter what the reason, the children are the ones who suffer the most. This is especially true in situations involving adultery or abuse. Certainly there are situations where minimal contact with the father and his children is justified, such as in cases of abuse, especially sexual abuse; however, this is not the case in most divorces.

Mothers can become bitter and vindictive animals when they feel they are the victim in a divorce. Except in cases of mental, physical, or sexual abuse, keeping the child from the non-custodial parent is nothing less than a way for the wronged party to plot revenge against the other person, and using the children to accomplish that will cause irreparable harm over the course of time. Even the father who committed adultery violated his marriage vows but not his priority as a father. He may indeed still love his children very much, and though he voluntarily or involuntarily no longer lives with their mother, he still has rights as a divorced father.

Each state differs in the rights of divorced fathers regarding their children, so you will need to review the code in your state or ask your attorney. Rest assured that unless you have done something detrimental to your children such as physical or sexual abuse or you have routinely been intoxicated or high in front of them, the courts will award visitation rights. Depending on the laws in the state where you reside, this may include joint custody of the children. Do not be misled by the term “joint custody;” this does not necessarily mean that you will have physical custody as much as the mother will. What it does mean is that you will have as much of a say in their upbringing as the mother.

In most states, visitation rights amount to a minimum of every other weekend, every other holiday, and a specified number of weeks during the summer. You may request a different arrangement, or if the divorce was amicable, make your own arrangements with your ex-wife. The important issue is to make certain all arrangements are in writing so that there is no question of your right’s being violated and so that both of you know exactly what is expected. This also gives you an outlet for contempt of court if your ex-wife should attempt to restrict or eliminate visitation or contact with your children.