During the course of our work and private lives, most of us have had to deal with a difficult person. We try our best, but no matter what we do to help or get along with the individual, nothing seems to work. Not knowing what else to do, we bang our heads against the wall in frustration.

As long as there is human life, there will be difficult people. How these people are dealt with will determine the kind of relationship that we have with them. Distancing from or getting along with a person that is intricate takes a lot of patience and effort, but it can be done in a productive manner.

I have listed three types of difficult people, and each requires a different approach.

The Self-Absorbed

This person is involved only in himself. When the conversation or event is not about him, he changes the focus to him. When the subject is changed to something other than him, he interjects with "That happened to me too" or "This is what I do" and he continues to babble on and on about himself. In the middle of an event or meeting, he will hijack the activity by switching the spotlight to him. He can't stand not being the most important topic or the center attraction of the main event.

The best way to handle this person is to smile pleasantly and say, "I'm sorry to interrupt you, but we were in the middle of something that is important to us. May we proceed with the main focus of our discussion? This lets the person know that he is being rude and disruptive without putting him on the defensive. He'll usually wander off somewhere else to seek attention.

The Exhaustive, Chronic Complainer

This individual complains about everything, but she never tries to resolve her problems and lessen her complaining. Each time a suggestion is given to help with or solve the problem, she rejects it with an excuse as to why it won't work. The chronic complainer is exhausting to those that she complains to, and her negativity drags everyone around her down. She always has a problem; according to her, everyone is against her, her life is full of misery, and no one cares. She is never happy or satisfied, and nothing is good enough for her. She complains to anyone that will listen.

Dealing with this type of individual can be tricky. It is tempting to 'fix' her issues or offer her some suggestions, but unfortunately, both of these actions are futile. She has convinced herself that nothing will work, and that she is doomed. She will have a new set of complaints the next time you see her, and the tirade will start all over again. No matter what you say, she will discard it, and you are just wasting your time.

A successful method of dealing with a chronic complainer is to listen to her complaints without offering any help or suggestions. Address each complaint and put it back in her lap. Instead of trying to fix it for her, ask "What do you think you should do?" or "How do you plan to handle this?" Responding this way indicates that you are interested in her problems, but you cannot fix them because that is her job. It also keeps you from getting aggravated when she casts off your ideas but continues to complain.

The Malicious Gossiper

This type of person likes to talk about other people, and takes what is said about others and spreads it around to anyone that will listen. He has to be the first one to tell the story that he just heard about Jane, or spill the secret that Bob just told him, and add to whatever he is telling.

Gossip can be a good way to spread the word about events and good news; however, it can be a truly ugly characteristic when it is done in a negative way about other people. Putting others down or spreading rumors about them is damaging to everyone, and is extremely counterproductive.

An effective way to deal with this type of person is not to participate. If you are around this person and he starts talking negatively about someone else, or telling unsubstantiated stories, there are some things that you can do:

* Change the subject to a positive topic

* Disengage yourself from the person as soon as possible

* Let the person know that you will be asking the target of the gossip for the facts

Each one of these people wants to be the focal point of everyone's attention, and each one will go to great lengths to achieve that desire. Handling these people with tact, dignity and class will show that you are the bigger person.

2008 Patti McMann. All rights reserved.