I have long been an observer of people, and whenever I get the opportunity I also eavesdrop on their conversations. So if you see me hanging out in a coffee shop at the table next to you, be prepared for me to listen in!

One of the things I love to listen to is how people just don't listen to each other. They talk at, over and around each other but miss the deep in-the-moment opportunities which cement and advance relationships.

I have noticed also when I am facilitating groups that when one person speaks and adds great value to a subject often the person who could have gained most from the information cuts through and completely misses what was being said. And in that moment misses a huge opportunity to learn and grow.

Listen.

This seems so obvious and simple, and is the hardest thing we do. When you are being spoken to; listen with your ears, your eyes and your intuition.

What are the words being said? What are the words not being said? When does the other person hesitate? When does their tone of voice change? What are they wanting to communicate to you and struggling with?

I had a conversation with a coaching client who briefly diverged onto another topic. Her face lit up as she spoke on the new topic, her skin seemed lighter, and her eyes sparkled. Then she came back to the original subject, her voice tone and energy dropped, her skin went dull and her eyes seemed bleak and resigned. In listening to her; I heard something more than the words, I heard her call for help. I was able to remark on the changes I saw, and ask what was going on. Our conversation then shifted to what she really needed and to a solution, simply because I was listening deeply to her.

When you listen, are you looking at the person? Are you seeing the whole or simply the parts? What are they saying to you beyond the words?

Practice deep listening; see what a difference it makes to your conversation.