Do's and don'ts

Dealing with teenagers in a public domain can be very frustrating but lets look at how we respond can impact on the situation. Okay let's jump straight in and look at some of the Do's and Don'ts when dealing with teenagers who exhibit aggressive behaviour.

DON'TS 

• Confront in an aggressive manner
• Attack/criticise
• Attempt to engage physically, (even in a playful way)
• Impose your value system on them
• Use your reasons as leverage on them, theirs probably don't match yours
• Expect a negative outcome, (what you focus on you usually get)
• Treat them like second class citizens, (regardless of behaviour)
• Expect every situation to have a positive outcome
• Make it personal

So how can we best deal with teenagers? Most teenagers pass through a stage of readjustment. They test boundaries, push the limits and are trying to work out who they are and how they fit in to the world. Kids this age want nothing more than to be significant. Significance may be achieved by being liked, often by doing the things that others want them to do! Significance may be achieved by being different, noticed or sexually active. Significance may be achieved by feeling powerful by exhibiting aggression and intimidation. Added to these emotions imagine if they have no family support, (for various reasons, including parents who have got to the end of themselves and can't cope) imagine that the major influences on their life are their peer group, (gang) the media and so called 'heroes' not all of whom are wholesome.

This is a serious mix of conditions can also be effected by conditions such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, oppositional defiant disorder and other teenagers problems.

 So what can we do to manage situations involving teenagers?

DO'S 

• Develop a rapport/relationship
• Use their name and volunteer yours
• Learn from previous incidents and take the positive strategies
• Remain calm
• Maintain calm, regular effective breathing 
• Take time
• Identify the leader of a group and engage
• Step into their world, what's going on for them
• Be very clear when defining boundaries
• Recognise that often anger/aggression is a secondary emotion
• Anger is often underpinned by fear or sadness
• Expect the best
• Provide face saving options
• Take it step by step and recognise the small victories
• Focus on the teenagers and not onlookers who will have expectations
• Be aware of personal safety
• Know when to disengage and get support
• Remember it's not about winning

It is no longer acceptable to give them a clip around the ear and send them on the way. We live in a very different society today and it is a society that we have all played a part in creating.

In this new society we need to be better, hone our communication skills and find new strategies. Conflict management is all about how we communicate and how we respond to situations, so have faith and use all your personal resources to gain better outcomes.