Communication in marriage is a very important ingredient to the relationship. Being able to communicate effectively is a huge benefit for people who are intent upon saving a marriage from falling apart. So what is effective communication in marriage?

We humans communicate on many levels - in a marriage sex is the most intimate way we communicate, we also communicate on other physical levels such as hugging, kissing and touching. But talking is what we do the most of- learning how to talk to each other,learning how to effectively hear each other and saying words that can be heard by your partner are the basic building blocks of true intimacy in a marriage.

Being able to express yourself, saying something that is deep and personal and knowing it will be heard and understood by your partner, is deeply satisfying. A common question asked by many couples is: "How can I get my partner to listen to me?"

It's all about how you go about it. What you need to do is communicate in 'I statements' eg. I need, I feel, I want, I desire and make sure your partner is listening to what you are saying. The tone of your voice is also important - if it's gentle and soft with no anger behind it then your partner is more likely to be open to listening.

You also need to be fully committed to really listening and hearing what your partner has to say as well. Really listening can be a hard thing to do. What you will want to do is react and express your side of the story, so you need to stay calm and relaxed. So take a deep breath and decide to listen and not to react.

Once the connection between you is established, you can then express your concerns knowing that your partner is hearing what you have to say. If you are both committed to saving a marriage in trouble then decide on a plan of action which includes you both, even set a time limit or date and then do it.

Don't be afraid to get help if you need it - this can be a crucial step for you in saving a marriage so it does not become yet another statistic!