Many people appear to have problems communicating with others. This difficulty is frequently interpreted as either a lack of education, having no imagination or just being plain boring. I deliberately emphasised appear to have problems at the beginning because appearances can be, and often are, deceptive. Highly intelligent people often have difficulty expressing their thoughts and ideas, not because they are uneducated, boring or lacking in imagination. The real root cause of their difficulties in communicating is that may they lack self-confidence or self-esteem. In this short series of articles I hope to introduce some practical tips for anyone facing this particular challenge and to also indicate where additional help can be obtained. So..... To begin at the beginning.

How do you communicate with other people? Would you like to be seen as a good communicator? If so I'm going to give you a series of tips for good communication over the next couple of articles. Read them and compare the tips with how you actually make yourself understood, either with friends or at work.

Listen with Attention.

When we're listening to people it's easy to start thinking about something else, like what to cook for dinner, where our golf shoes are, or what to wear when we go out tonight. It can be alarming to realise that we may have completely missed bits of the conversation and, what's worse, whoever you are talking to may be aware that we've drifted off, which can make them feel as if they're not interesting enough to be worth listening to. Not good for their self-esteem or for our credibility. Therefore listening with
attention is crucial in a good relationship, be that with friends or colleagues.

Clarification.

It's important to check with who we are talking to that we fully understand what they've been telling us. We need to reflect, or repeat, back to them from time to time what they have been saying, even if we think we know what they're meaning. This has the effect of making the person feel that we're paying close attention to them, and also stops us from making any assumptions about the content of their communication to us.

Our Body Language.

Particularly when we're dealing with face-to-face conversations, it is important for us to present body language conducive to good communication. This means that we should greet the person with a smile and sit in an attentive pose. We shouldn't constantly look around the room, at our watches or fidget. Whoever we are talking to will be sensitive to any action from us that indicates we're not paying attention. We don't want them to feel undervalued.

The tone, pitch and volume of our voice is also important, particularly on the phone when they can't see our expression. It's important for us to convey warmth and sincerity to make the other person feel comfortable.

Be Non-judgmental.

We must keep an open mind about the subjects that we are talking about and the other person's involvement in it without making judgments about them which might prejudice our working relationship.

The conversation could quickly fall apart if we start looking sceptical, making sharp intakes of breath, or openly criticising them. However, if you start feeling uncomfortable with what they are saying to you, for example something which conflicts with your values or beliefs, you can suggest that you're not the best person to discuss the topic with and perhaps they should talk to someone else about it. Be assertive without being confrontational. You have a right to your beliefs as much as they do so just agree that you disagree and move on.

Ask Open Ended, not Closed Questions.

Asking open ended questions that start with "What?" "How?" "When?", or an invitation like "Tell me about........." is far more effective than asking closed questions like "Did you?" or "Was that?" This encourages the other person to be far more expansive and you'll get far more information than if you assume an answer and ask for a yes/no response by way of a closed question. This is a good process for both of you because it enables you to become more aware of how both of you might be feeling about, reacting to or are treating the problem, which can often lead to a "light bulb" moment, and a greater understanding for both of you.

Give these points some thought, compare them with how you communicate with people at the moment. Could you change your approach? Would changing how you deal with conversations improve any aspect of your life?

In the second of these articles we will consider other aspects of communicating with people but in the meantime if you are looking for mare information on how to improve elf confidence or self esteem visit http://www.confidencelink.com