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To be a better communicator, avoid these things:
1. Rushing to judgments, evaluations, conclusions. Instead, start with the facts. What did you observe? Describe what you saw or heard in this situation.
2. Being critical, blaming, accusatory, inflammatory. We know how we react to these things, so how come we dish them out so readily? If you must point out some flaw in the other person or their ideas, etc., first try to establish some rapport. Also ask if they want some critical feedback now?
3. Being judgmental. You must make good judgments about the situations you face. But you need to share these judgments in a non-judgmental fashion. What does that mean? It means you do not put the other person down and make them feel bad or wrong as a person. Their viewpoint may be incorrect, but make sure you communicate that they are still worthwhile as a person.
4. Jumping right in with your judgments. Make sure they give you permission to discuss this now. Even if you are their boss, you want them to be ready and emotionally prepared to discuss your criticism. Maybe a later time will work better for them.
5. Expressing too much anger. If you are very angry, take some time to cool off. Literally, take a walk, or even, wait a day. Exploding with anger is one of the most common mistakes of leaders. Today's pressures are making this happen more often. But the bad consequences are many: People react with their own aggression, or they become passive and will look for ways to get back at you later on. If those above you get wind of this, they downgrade their opinion of you. One of the most common assignments given to executive coaches is to help an executive manage their anger better.
6. Making the other person feel guilty. This may seem to work. They do what you want them to because you made them feel guilty. But they will make you pay for this later on. For example, they will hide their mistakes better in the future. They will build up resentment and possibly bad mouth you to others.
Avoid these things and instead do what I have suggested and you will communicate much better so that your work and relationships will prosper.
About this Author
Copyright 2010, by William R. Murray, President of Eagle Alliance Executive Coaching, LLC. Reprint rights granted to all venues so long as this article and by-line are printed intact with all links made live.
William R. Murray, MBA (Harvard), M.Div. (Yale), Master Certified Coach, is the founder of Eagle Alliance Executive Coaching, LLC in 1993, http://www.EagleAlliance.com, offering Virtual Workshops, Self-Study Programs, Leadership Coaching.
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