From my own experience, I went through a period where my senses were heightened...dramatically. I was hyper sensitive to what was going on around me, and my intuition was at an all time high. Trusting that intuition is going to be one of your best allies during this time. There will most likely come a point, if it has not happened already, that lines will be drawn in the sand. People take their sides, and posture up. The quicker you can make the situation safe for yourself and loved one-to sooner you can focus all your attention on simply "being there" for the person you're going to lose.

If you are the person "in charge" at this time, meaning you're the power of attorney or health care surrogate, all eyes will be on you. You will be looked upon as a leader by some, and as the devil by others. Especially if hard decisions have to be made, and there will probably come a time when that happens. Decisions like stopping life support, calling for a hospice intervention, paying bills, talking to doctors, and simply what to do next. A leader must emerge during this time, and if you're reading this, it probably should be you. If this is left to someone else, with ill intent, it can cut you off from time spent with your loved one, and worse, have them take advantage of your loved one in the most vulnerable times of their life.

What is not written on health care directives or power of attorney papers is the fact that you need to do whatever you can to "protect" the weak and vulnerable. Don't be surprised if people start showing up out of the blue asking for money owed. Don't be surprised when relatives start to decent upon the situation-- either wanted or unwanted, with open hands and a crocodile tear in their eye.

Don't be afraid to take all the valuables and store them in a safe place during this time (jewelry, cash, other items of value). There is a fine line between doing what's right, and pissing the person off that you're trying to protect. You have to wear many hats. However, this is one mantra that worked well for me during this time..."do exactly what Dad wants me to do...or what I know Dad would want done."

If you've been given this power and trust by your loved one-- they obviously have some sort of faith in you. Don't be afraid to exercise that strength-- and let everyone else know who's in charge. If there are suspecting people looming around the situation-- do your best to get rid of them, IMMEDIATELY. If you feel in your heart they are "up to no good", you're probably right. Do what you can to "clear" the situation. Just like when the SWAT team rushes through building looking around every corner with guns drawn. You must do everything you can to remove any enemies or evildoers at this time. The longer you wait, to let them dig in...the harder its going to be to get rid of them. Remove anyone from the situation you fear will cause harm-- whether physical, emotional, financial, or spiritual. You don't have to do this right in front of your loved one's face, unless it's absolutely necessary. Do not, and I repeat, do not settle for anything less than a cleared situation.

Once you've done this, it's going to be easier to gather yourself and see the work that really needs to be done. It will be much easier to make difficult decisions when all that is there are health care providers, or hospice, and 100% loyal/supportive family members and true friends. You may be surprised to find out who your real friends are during this time. People who have been so called "friends" for years may end up not being there at all-- for whatever selfish reasons. This is a time when you're going to we walking through your days with truth goggles. You may be seeing the world for the first time, and sometimes, it isn't pretty.

Once you've cleared the situation, you can also put 100% of your energy into being with the person you love, that is going to pass. They deserve your total attention. This time can be used to make any final direct amends you need to make. Do not waste this time. Be courageous. There is never a time when you've said "I love you" too many times. You cannot overdue it here. It is easy to run away from these kinds of situations, as its very painful. If you're afraid...that's OK...be afraid, and tell them you love them anyway, tell them you're sorry for "X" anyway. Take advantage of any time you have left where they're still awake and alive. You'll never regret this time you've spent. On the contrary, you might never forgive yourself for wasting this precious time.

I do not preach violence, but you must be willing to do whatever you can do to keep this sacred space, sacred. If people are trying to break through the gates, you must be very aware of what their intentions are. Sometimes there are legitimate people that want to be there for genuine reasons. Perhaps they want to make their own amends, or express their love or gratitude for this person before they go.

However, don't be fooled by people who are just positioning themselves for what could be a payday in the long-term, or simply, stealing in the short term. This is a time to act decisively, directly, and fiercely. You must be willing to through your life on the line, to protect the person you love. They need you now, more than ever. This is a time when boys become men, and girls become women. It's time to rise to the occasion.

Also, be wary of the drugs that may be in the house, and what kind of people that attracts. Sometimes those people are in the immediate family. If Hospice is involved there is most likely a large amount of narcotics at the premises. If you haven't already done so, get a safe. Even a $20 Walmart heavy lock box is better than nothing. Keep everything in one place, and have one person in charge of distributing the medication- preferably you.

This is a difficult time. In an ideal world, this should be a time spent of service to the person you love. Being there, 100%. The talks you have with that person will be cherished for the rest of your life. You may see them in a new light, and vise versa. As death approaches, people may change. You may enter the realm of the sacred. You may have a spiritual awakening, or many. You may have a time of reconciliation, peace, and harmony. You may see how all the fighting that went on during you life with this person, was just a facade. What counts here, is that you love them, and they love you too. In my experience, this kind of environment of healing (through death), is only possible once the situation is clear.