Can We Talk?

Those are very important words to use when you have children.  They may be some of the most important words to use when you have teenagers as well.  Talking is something that doesn't seem to happen very often in many households and may be detrimental to the relationship with your children.

Instead of talking to your children consider talking with your children. Did you notice the difference in that last statement? The very important distinction is 'to' and 'with' when it comes to communication.  All too often we as parents may already know the answers to many of the questions that may arise in our conversations, however, it is time to actually listen.  I will be the first to tell you that listening is not always easy, but also the first to tell you that it is extremely necessary.  Oh, the many times that my children came to me and I had to bite my tongue were and still, are far too many, but with practice it truly works.  Of course there will always be boundaries and limitations to the discussion but the point is that we as parents should initiate it.

Your child will be more open to discussing their day, or perhaps a situation that may have occurred if you simply ask them to talk.  Many teens won't want to speak in front of others, so it's best to determine what will work best with your child.  Consider going to a quiet place in the home, or taking a walk around the block or scheduling some 'special time' with your teen.  Not only will this show that you care, but they will actually feel more at ease and will begin or continue to share their thoughts and feelings with you.  Don't you remember being a teen?  Moms and Dads weren't always the ones we ran to with our problems or situations but making that concerned effort to keep the lines of communication open is essential.  It's best to start young, but it's never too late if that was not the case.

Now, be prepared for what may come out during these conversations.  That is a warning that was never shared with me when I first became a parent of a teen.  I am much better prepared now and even still get caught off guard.  The conversations of today's generation are much different than those when we were kids, but the act of conversing is what we must keep in mind.  You'd be surprised how modest your child truly is, or how they may feel about a certain type of music or television show.  Many times as adults, we tend to group the entire young generation into one and again that is a huge mistake.  Remember how you felt when you were young? Did you want to be grouped or did you want to be seen as an individual with your own thoughts and feelings?  Thinking back to my teen years has definitely helped me in the upbringing of my teens.  I am not here to profess that I am perfect, because we all have issues.  However, that is what makes parenting interesting.  After all, shouldn't we have something to talk about when our children become parents themselves? The  memories are always the best.

So, next time your teen comes home looking depressed or even if they are full of joy; be sure to use the 3 important words mentioned above: Can we talk? Communication is important in any relationship but the one between a parent and a child is the most precious.  Talking with your child is important, do it today, you'll be amazed at all they have to share when you simply ask.

Dr. Daisy Sutherland, aka Dr. Mommy is a doctor, mom, wife, author and speaker. Her love of helping others has branched to blog talk radio and syndicated radio shows.

Dr. Mommy's Going Retro Philosophy is one that can be adapted to your family, your health, your business and your entire lifestyle. To learn more about Dr. Mommy visit: http://www.drmommyonline.com and her parenting site: http://retroparenting.com