I have been asked many times "Can my marriage survive an affair?" And the answer is always "Yes, any marriage can survive an affair". The important thing to realize and that an affair is an identifier of a deeper problem that needs to be handled quickly before the marriage ends. Do not get me wrong. Many marriages end as a result of an affair. There have also been some very strong marriages that have formed as a direct result of an affair.

Why do affairs happen?
There are three reasons that affairs happen. The first are affairs of attraction (sex, admiration, companionship, and power). Then there are affairs of desire, where the spouse is pushed to an affair because of a need that is not being satisfied in the marriage. Then finally, affairs can happen because of social influences. Affairs have become an acceptable institution in today's society. All you need to do is look at the movies, TV shows and romantic novels that are easily available to the mass public.

For the purpose of this discussion, we will assume that the husband has cheated on his wife.

Let the Communication Begin
It is necessary for the wife to be able to communicate her feelings freely without any repercussions. This is going to be a difficult time for the wife. She will experience some major mood swings as a result of the affair. And this is where communication is so important. The husband and the wife will both need to communicate and listen throughout the healing process. The husband should allow the wife to talk freely and play the listener. Let the wife do all the talking. She may go from being hurt, to angry, and to some other emotional types while she lays everything out on the table. The husband may not like any of what she will have to say, but he need to be understanding of her point of view and be accepting to what she is feeling at this point. The husband should not make any excuses at this point, just let her do the talking.

Be the Responsible Husband
After the wife has put everything out in the open, this would be the time for the husband to take full responsibility for his actions and accept any of the consequences that could happen. It has been known through a case study that men are not cheater because they are simply looking for something physical. In a case study, 248 men were polled as to why they cheated on their wife's. Almost 80% of those men advised that the reason for their infidelity were for emotional reason when being compared to 20% on men who cheated for physical reasons.

Now this is not an excuse and this is why the husband needs to admit that he made a mistake and that he will do what it takes to help them get through this difficult time. He need to assure his wife that it only happened once and that it will never happen again. He will need to be willing to accept that he will need to earn his wiles trust back and that he will need to be forthcoming about the places that he goes and the people that he sees in the future.

In closing, couples who experience infidelity in their marriage have to understand that the relationshi9p is not over because of the cheating. It will only be over if you both decide to end it. But rest assured that married couples tend to have stronger marriages after going trough a dramatic event like an affair. They only need to learn how to communicate and work as a team. Everything else will just fall into place over time.