If you are struggling with unruly or even embarrassing actions on behalf of your youngster, learning the finer points of behavior modification in children makes sense.

Something that can trip up your efforts, for example, is expecting too much or too little from your behavior modification plans. Unrealistic expectations are a problem because they will prevent you from getting the results you want.

Chances are, as a parent, you have a clear idea of the results you want to see in your home. In fact, depending upon your child's behavior challenges, you may be downright desperate for positive results.

You are not alone.

Thousands of parents just like you are asking what they can do to bring peace and order into their homes and help their child to grow up into a responsible adult. Child behavior modification may be a fancy name, but every parent understands the concept perfectly.

* Aligning behavior expectations with reality is key.

What happens when you attempt to guide your child into behavior changes but set the bar too low? Let's face it; change is difficult. None of us is willing to go through the pain of change without understanding we are working towards something better.

If you ask your child to stop back talking, for example, but let slide eight out of ten episodes of that behavior, your child knows instinctively this is not a very important issue to you. Your actions do not line up with your words.

Nothing will make your child ignore you faster.

What about when you demand too much from your child? Is that even possible?

Sure, it's possible. Using the same example of back talking, imagine informing your child that to fix this problem, she must ask for permission to speak each and every time she has something to say.

Sound ridiculous? Sure. But that's the problem with setting too high of expectations for behavior modification. When your child realizes it's not reasonable or maybe even possible to comply with your stated expectations, she will either cooperate out of fear of consequences (and tune you out as a respected authority in her life) or simply rebel.

Either way means you will have new problems to deal with.

The sensible answer to this dilemma is lining up your behavior expectations with reality. A child who is back talking needs to know in no uncertain terms that such behavior is unacceptable. The boundaries and consequences of that behavior need to be clearly explained to him and appropriate to the situation.

When it comes to the topic of back talking, the underlying issue is respect and it can be extremely useful to consider how respect is used or abused throughout your entire home life. For example, it's tough to expect a teen to be respectful if they are consuming a daily diet of disrespectful TV programs. Connect the dots in your own home to see where your child's behavior challenges might be coming from.

After your child's inevitable testing of these new boundaries, your job, mom or dad, is to enforce, firmly and matter-of-factly, the consequences you explained upfront. To be an understanding, even sympathetic, but unmovable wall.

Behavior modification in children is a straightforward process with lots of variables added in. No one knows or loves your child the way you do which puts you in the best position to be of help in guiding this young life.

Arm yourself with time-tested resources and concepts and dive into this most important life arena. Nothing is more important than the raising of the next generation and you, mom or dad, have a front row seat.