If you have just gone through a break up and want to get back together with your ex there are a few important things you would do well to remember. I'll lay out these things first and then I'll explain them together more fully in closing.

1. The first thing is something that people going through a break up (actually in most life situations) never seem to grasp. It is this: you cannot, nor will you ever be able to control what others do or feel...period. This applies to all human beings, male and female, and in all situations. Sounds simple enough, but it's amazing how often we think we can convince or force another person into doing something against their will, and how dismal the results usually are. So, stop trying to cajole or control your ex, it might work temporarily, but it won't work in the long run.

2. The second thing to learn is that you should focus on what you DO have control over...YOU! As stated in the first example: only you can control your own actions and feelings, no one else. Again, it sounds simple, but it seems that we all keep trying to get other people to do what we want them to instead of simply directing our own actions toward a specific goal.

3. The third point is the most difficult to accept and to accomplish...Let Your Ex Go! If your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, or husband wants to go then let them do so. You cannot talk someone into loving or staying with you if they really want to go, this will just make them try to get away even faster. Letting them go is really your only chance at getting the ex back in the near future. You must keep reminding yourself "I have to let them go for now if I really want them to come back to me. This is the only way that I can get my ex back". Tell yourself this over and over, especially each time you feel yourself trying to stop the ex from leaving you or talk them into coming back with you. Don't despair though and remember this is only temporary; your ex will come back to you if you play your cards right.

Now, to wrap it all up. You and your ex most likely came together because you both wanted to at the time. This happened because you were both attracted to each other and enjoyed being around each other. If your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend has decided to leave the relationship it is because they WANT to. I don't care what reasons they give for breaking up, they are really doing it because they WANT to breakup. I know it hurts to think that your ex doesn't want you anymore, but you are simply going to have to accept this fact for now. Nothing you SAY to them will make them want to stay with you. Only BEING what they want will make them want you again. You might be able to talk them into getting back together with you, but if they do so, they won't be happy and it will only be done out of sympathy for you not desire for you. That's not what you need; you need your ex to WANT to get back together with you.

So, how do you make them want you again? Well, by being the type of person that people WANT to be with. People don't like or respect those that are whiny, angry, depressed, etc. All of us are attracted to those that respect themselves, those that hold their heads up high, those that are self-reliant, those that don't act petty and childish, and of course those that are physically attractive. All of these things are under your control and that is what I meant in the second point above. Making yourself into what is attractive to your ex is completely under your control. So, get to work on improving your mental and physical well-being.

As far as the third point goes, this is just to give you time to revamp yourself and your ex time to start missing you. Your ex isn't going to miss you if you are crying and whining to him or her. Nor are they going to miss you if you are always available. They need to feel as though they have lost you forever. So, make it seem as if you've moved on and that you're happy about it.

After these things are done then, and only then, you can focus on reestablishing contact with the ex and begin seeing each other again. How to go about this gets a little more complicated and involved depending on your specific situation. However, there are many books available that go into the details once you get to this stage. Here are two of the best How to get your ex back programs available. Either one of them will set you on the right path to get your ex back.