Becoming Parents and Your Relationship

Now that your life is filled with the responsibilities of being a parent, you'll wonder what on earth you did with all that time you had in your pre-baby days.

You may still be settling into the role of mother, still savoring using the words 'my son' or 'my daughter' and presenting your pride and joy to friends and family. It may seem very difficult to remember a time when your baby wasn't around.

You may also be surprised by the strength of feeling for your baby, although it may not have happened overnight. You may find that it takes time, but when that love is in place, it can sometimes be quite overwhelming. Before you gave birth, you may have been planning your return to work and looking forward to the challenge of being a working parent. Now you are exploring the possibilities of taking extended maternity leave, or even going part-time. You may also have been considering asking your parents to look after the baby for a night or so, while you get away with your partner. Now, you put it off, feeling secretly sure that you are the only one who can really look after your baby.

You and your partner

Both you and your partner are probably enjoying the change in the family dynamic: a new baby to look after, a cementing of your relationship. With a new baby comes a new balance. As proud parents-to-be, you probably shared as much as possible of the pregnancy, going to classes together, reading up about pregnancy and birth, and being together when she was born.

The input from mother to baby is likely to be intense at this stage, particularly if you are breastfeeding. It is unlikely that you are back at work yet, so it's probable that you will be with the baby while your partner is out working during the day.

Being with a baby all day can be tiring and emotionally all-consuming and you may feel that you can't give as much to your partner because you are simply too tired. Often, new mothers are recovering from the physical impact of the birth and so are reluctant to make love, even if they did have the energy.

Your partner may be feeling the lack of sex as a kind of rejection, as well as feeling less adept at caring for your baby than you are. Don't forget that it's his baby too. The more he looks after the newcomer, the more 'engrossed' he'll become - like you. Involved dads are far less likely to see the child as competition, although he may need your reassurance, in words, that he is still important to you.

And you may need him to be less of a lover and more of a protector.

Jim S. Dean is a stay at home father, freelance writer, and webmaster with an interest in a wide range of subjects. Visit his latest website License Plate Lookup.