These days it is easier for young couples to plan their family by limiting the number of children they have, and choosing when to have them. As parents, they are then more likely to be in a better position to give their children a stable, secure and loving background, so that the children can develop into well-balanced, healthy adults.
When to start a family
A responsible couple who plan to marry will discuss their plans for a family before they do so. They may seek advice from their doctor, their parents, or their religious counsellors. Relate and the Family Planning Association will give useful advice to young couples on the responsibilities of marriage and starting a family.
Study this list of things which a couple should consider and see if you can add:
• Do we want to have children at all? Are both of us fully satisfied with our careers, and would not want to give them up or interrupt them? Both partners must agree on this point.
• Are we both sufficiently mature to be able to accept the responsibilities of a family? If we both enjoy a full social life and have lots of outside interests, would we want to give up a lot of this to look after a baby?
• Have we both got jobs, and some money saved up? Could we lose one income and still support a family? Babies must have warmth, shelter, food and clothing, which are all costly.
• Have we got suitable accommodation? Is this accommodation secure? It is very difficult to bring up a baby in a one-room flat, and many landladies and landlords will not allow a couple to stay on when they have a baby. Can we get a council house? Can we afford to buy our own property? If we live with our in-laws will they welcome a young child?
• Are we healthy? Does our family background have evidence of any hereditary diseases? Do we smoke, drink, or take drugs? All these things can affect the health of the baby - are we prepared to take a risk?
• Are we agreed about division of labour? If the father expects to continue his social life and leave the babyminding to the mother, will she consent?
• Can we get on with each other's relations? In-laws and relations have strengthened many marriages, but they can also cause a lot of friction.
• Is this a mixed marriage, religiously or ethnically? If it is, can we each accept the other's ideas, and agree on how to bring up the children?
• Do our ideas on bringing up children coincide? A lot of trouble can occur when parents do not have the same views on important issues such as discipline, feeding, education, etc.
These are some of the matters which a young couple should discuss. If they have different ideas about a lot of them. it would be better for them to wait to start a family until they can agree upon these basic issues. Here is some Advice for the father to be which is also helpful for women who want to see things from a man's perspective too http://www.babybirthbasics.com/advice-for-the-father-to-be.
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