I am the best driver in the world, as are you, and we know all the other people on the road are no-hopers who shouldn't be allowed to drive a tricycle, let alone a car. So why is it that the police don't penalize people for being irritating drivers? Send these to your friends who drive - especially the ones you know commit these heinous acts of automotive indiscretion.

Riding the brakes

People who drive automatics often rest their left foot on the brake. This means their brake lights are on all the time, and in extreme cases they will use far more fuel and wear out their pads. It also means that drivers following them don't actually know when they're braking.

Annoyance factor: 95%

Weaving

It's rush hour, everyone's heading in the same direction, the lanes stop and start at different times, and some monkey is trying to eek out a several metre advantage every kilometre.

Annoyance factor: 60% if the driver doesn't pull in front of you; 95% if the driver does

Inexperience

We can't expect drivers who spend 90% of their driving time at rush hour speeds to be confident and comfortable doing 100km/h on the open highway. So, let's encourage them to fly or stay at home rather than hold us up dawdling along at 85.

Annoyance factor: 60%

Searching

Driving slowly looking for an address, but not indicating or pulling to the left so that other drivers can pass.

Annoyance factor: 75%

Lane hogging

Middle-lane magnetism, or just plain bad lane discipline. Keep left if you're not overtaking (or right if you're in the US or Europe).

Annoyance factor: 85%

Erratic speed

You're doing 80kph where I can't overtake you, but then speed up to 110kph when I can. That's just bad karma. Or, you're the type of person that overtakes me, then slows down to slower than I was doing.

Annoyance factor: 99%

Hesitation and indecision

Driving is not the deli counter. It requires an acute mind, but hesitation and indecision forces other drivers to try to read yours. If you don't know what you're doing, indicate, pull over, and let other by until you've decided.

Annoyance factor: 95%

Tailgating

If you really want to get that far up my backside, buy me some flowers. It's especially annoying if I'm already above the speed limit, but within the police's tolerance.

Annoyance factor: 100% (if I'm already driving quickly)