Ahh, There You Are! Small Talk For Networking Into the Hidden Job Market

I have to admit that it took me a while to really get this saying so that my behavior changed. Perhaps when those of us who are cringing at the thought of having to meet and talk to people enter a room, we do feel "Well here I am." That isn't because we're vain, but because we're so focused on how we're feeling.

Focusing on ourselves, for whatever reason, isn't a good way to encourage another person to talk to us. No matter how hard we try to hide our anxiety about being in that room, other people tend to pick up on it. Because people are always trying to interpret the feelings they are sensing from us, the typical assumption people make is that you aren't comfortable WITH THEM!

You have probably heard stories along the line of the woman who thought the man who sat next to her at a dinner party had been such a fabulous conversationalist. Turns out what he had done was to made her feel special and focus on what she had to say all evening. He had actually said very little.

So once again we're talking about taking the focus off you and your distress. I hope the techniques we've discussed so far are helping your lower that distress level. Now here is one of the biggest keys to making YOU feel more comfortable and better at making small talk.

One of the best ways to increase your comfort level and appear to be more at ease is to focus on the other person. Stop the inner dialog that is telling you to bolt and run out of the room. Replace it with focus on the other person. It isn't important for you to be sparkling, insightful, charming, witty or fascinating (we'll work on those things later!).

You simply have to focus on the other person as though you found them sparkling, insightful, charming, witting and fascinating. When people feel that you like them and find them interesting, they are going to have the same feelings for you. I'm not sure of the psychological concepts that make this true, but it is true and you can make it work for you.

The way to start this process is to make eye contact and think to yourself, as if you were saying them out loud to the other person, "Ahh, there you are!" You'll feel some of your self-inflicted tension start to leave your body. Your face will soften and you'll start to smile. The other person is going to feel your warmth coming to them, and watch how much more easily the conversation will get started.

When people are focusing on you and encouraging you to talk about things you enjoy, isn't the whole small talk process much easier? Now you can help the small talk process by letting your body and face convey how happy you are that the other person showed up. Ahh, there you are!

And here is help for all your networking conversations. FREE networking scripts! Visit http://hiddenjobmarketsecrets.com/networking-scripts. Soon you'll be getting into the hidden job market to hear about all those unadvertised jobs!