Marriage is about a commitment for life. Why else would anyone enter into it? It is the toughest commitment any person will ever make in his lifetime and making a marriage work, taking it the distance, is the hardest work you will ever do.

That doesn't sound so great does it? Yet it is.

That which is worth the most takes the hardest work to accomplish and nothing is worth more than a solid marriage and all which that encompasses.

When the first flush of love grabs hold, true love felt within the heart and soul, body and mind, nothing seems impossible and nothing is, where that love is concerned. The first flush is what causes us to step in.

The honeymoon ends then time and life happens which can wreak all kinds of havoc to a marriage.

Careers happen. Perhaps children happen, a mortgage, or a bigger mortgage with a bigger house... bills, bills, bills. Demands on time happens. The days don't have enough hours in them. The years slip by.

Maybe careers grow ... more demands. Maybe they falter... stress. Babies cry, then grow... demanding more and more time. Stress.

Nerves are tested. Maybe some break.

What seems to be a drifting apart may naturally happen during these busy years, but if that love that caused you to step in was real, it is there. It doesn't go away. The trick is to remember that and trust it enough to make yourself vulnerable enough to be honest enough to always stay open to your mate.

There is nothing more valuable than honesty in marriage, whether it be about feelings... something that irritates you or makes you just plain angry or sad or forlorn or happy.... or something so huge and ugly you don't dare tell anyone, or a dream so outrageously extravagant it is embarrassing. Don't hide any of it. Trust that love. If it was real then it is now and the more you trust it the greater it will grow and you will find a friend in your mate that you never would have imagined could exist ... in time.

A true marriage is a test of patience and forgiveness, two qualities most all of us have trouble with.. especially patience in times of stress, followed immediately in rank by forgiveness. How much easier it seems to be to hang onto those feelings of anger or hurt or sadness or revenge or arrogance when our mate does something that seems so completely insane or unreasonable... than to step back from all those emotions and know that he/she too is human with human faults and weaknesses .. a human who needs in those times of unsettled behavior that friend more than ever.. that friend which is you.

You also need to be patient with yourself.. and learn to forgive yourself. We do and say things impulsively in the heat of passion. Be patient as you work to control that . All those things we say out of the emotion of the moment and don't really mean can haunt us for a long time. Say you are sorry, accept the apology, know you have been forgiven, then work to forgive yourself.

Marriage is fifty - fifty. How many times have you heard that? You may think it is a far cry from that but if you stand back and see the full picture, you will see how it is true.

The times you are down, your mate is more likely than not there to pull you up without even knowing it. The times he/ she is down, you are standing upright. You may not realize that even, in the midst of a hard time, but in hind sight you will see that is true. Fifty - fifty.

In the middle of all of this life happening there are all the light happy times that seem to be overshadowed and forgotten when the hard times hit, for we like to feel sorry for ourselves and hang onto all those negative feelings. We want to "get back at", cause the same hurt, the same anguish. It is hard to let go of that but how much easier it is to do after we have done it once, to stand back from those destructive feelings and forgive.

Don't let those negative feelings overshadow all the good times. Those are the times when you need to remember those happy times more than ever. Those memories will pull you through.. helping you to again look to the complete human in that body of that person you married.

None of us are immune to anything, remember that. Anything can happen to any of us. We are tested everyday of our lives with something adverse, even if it is just in thought.

Remember why you got married.

Remember the commitment you made.

Remember your mate is as human as you are.

Patience. Find it. It is in you.

Forgiveness. We all need it. None of us is better than the next and who would you want to forgive more than your spouse?

We all want the "ideal". There is no such thing. In marriage, there are two people committed to each other for life whom are two individuals who need to be who they are and need to be allowed to be who they are.

Don't give in to the hard times. Plow through them. With each battle won you will have found deeper respect for each other. The love you had for each other so long ago which caused you to make that committed step will have grown to a depth that becomes the truest friendship on earth.

No matter what you have to weather in your marriage, that friendship you will have gained in the long term will be worth every moment.

You will step out into air that is as clear and light as any you will ever hope to breathe and you will know you have made it, for better or for worse, two human beings whose differences have come to balance each other like magic, with a respect for each other that words cannot define, committed to each other for life.

It is the most rewarding commitment you can ever hope to make.