A Balance of Needs - A Happy and Healthy You

We (humans) are complex beings and as such we have various needs that must to be met so that we may function optimally. These needs are:

1. Physiological needs: needs related to our biological well-being (e.g., food, water, sex)

2. Emotional needs: needs related to our affective well-being (e.g., love, acceptance)

3. Psychological needs: needs related to our mental well-being (e.g., achievement, self-esteem, recognition)

4. Social needs: needs related to our desire to be a part of a group (e.g., belonging, social involvement)

5. Spiritual needs: our need for the connection with the divine, for moral direction and inspiration (e.g., prayers, meditation, a feeling of oneness with our Creator, confession).

Although the method we use to fulfill each need is influenced by our culture, each person has these needs and is only able to function well once they are met. Keep in mind that our needs are also intertwined. For example, it is difficult to meet our psychological, emotional, social, and spiritual needs when we do not satisfy our physiological needs. As a result, we need to meet our physiological needs, at least minimally, before we can meet our other needs. Even people who choose to fast as a sign of their spirituality and devotion cannot fast for an indefinite amount of time because they will expire from a lack of proper nutrition.

Importance of Balancing Your Needs

It is not only important to meet our needs, but it is important to balance them. Too much of one and not enough of the others stunts our personal growth. Scientific evidence suggests that people who take the time to balance their needs function at a higher level and are happier and healthier.

Each of the 5 needs provide a different type of fulfillment. No one need, including physiological need, is more important than another. Having enough to eat and drink on its own will not make us fulfilled, happy and healthy. Additionally, neglecting our other needs will reduce our desire to continue fulfilling our physiological needs (e.g. depressed individuals do not always eat as required and tend to lose interest in sex). In order for us to be truly fulfilled, we need to have the right balance.

When our needs are in balance, we feel a sense of happiness and contentment, and as a result healthy behaviour follows. How do we know when we are not in balance? Quite simple! Have you ever noticed how grumpy or aggravated you feel after spending most of your week working and ignoring your other needs? During this time you may have lost weight due to ignoring your physiological needs, you may have felt depressed due to a lack of socialization and you may have felt tense for ignoring your regular spiritual practices.

In addition, these negative feelings most likely had an impact on your behaviour. Chances are you snapped at that poor family member who dared to step in your way, you may have decided to go on a shopping binge by dipping into your savings for a new home, you may have decided to unravel by "partying it up" on Friday night only to leave you with a horrible hangover the next day, or you may have decided to violate your diet plan by eating more sweets than you should have. When our needs are out of balance, we feel unhappy, frustrated, and bitter and as a result unhealthy behaviour follows.

Our Balance Point is Unique

Balance is an interesting concept as we all have a unique balance point. Socializing with friends and co-workers each night may be in balance for some, but completely out of balance for others. Long workdays may be a nightmare for some but very fulfilling for others. Is either of these groups of individuals out of balance? Of course not! Should we all split up our time in equal intervals in order to satisfy each of the 5 needs? No! Should we follow another person's formula to achieve their level of happiness and success? Definitely not!

Although we all share these needs, each of us varies in the strength of the required need. While some people may need a higher level of independence another might need a higher level of social interaction. In addition, we have various needs at different stages of our life. A teenager typically seeks a higher level of freedom due to his or her developmental stage compared to a thirty year old mom of two.

Do you know your unique balance point?

Knowing how to Balance Your Needs

It is empowering to know what balance works for you as this gives you control over your thoughts, emotions, and behaviour. Balance is about knowing what you need at any given moment. It is also about noticing when you need to adjust your behaviour so that you can meet your needs when they shift in a different direction. Since we all differ with respect to what needs are important to us and what balance works best for us, it would be wrong for anyone to suggest how you need to divide your time to create a healthy balance (and it would be wrong for you to instruct others on how to balance their life...what works for you may not work for them).

As a result, it is your job to figure out what best suites your lifestyle. Keep in mind that everyone is different. The balance a family member or romantic partner may need is not the balance that necessarily fits your needs. As a result, you cannot base your decisions on someone else's. You can't copy someone's happiness but you can create your own. You are responsible to figure out how much time you need to dedicate to satisfying each need.

EXERCISE

In order to learn what you need you must regularly spend time with yourself. This is the only way you can understand your various needs. The people who are the happiest tend to make time for themselves a priority. This is how they recharge themselves, develop a peace of mind, and learn what they need for continued happiness and health. In fact, any type of self-development work requires that you spend time alone with yourself. How else are you to improve yourself, unless you make YOU your focus?

Once or twice a week, take 20 minutes to yourself. Reflect on your week and how you felt about the activities that took place. Ask yourself if what you are currently doing is making you happy. What are you not doing enough of? Explore your feelings. If any negative feelings come up, look for reasons. If any positive feelings emerge, look for the reasons for the positive emotions. Your feelings are your clue to what you need to do more of (or what you are doing right) and what you need to minimize.

For best results, you should write your responses down. By writing your thoughts down, you will soon notice patterns in your thoughts, feelings and behaviours (e.g. what makes you happy, what makes you unhappy, what you wish you did more of, what you want to be doing less of). Once you are aware of the patterns, you will be able to take action.

Don't forget to enjoy this process. This is the process that will improve the quality of your life.