If saving a marriage is a challenge you are facing right now, there are some basic steps you can take that can make a big difference in your relationship.  They may seem like no-brainers when you read this, but don't sell them short.  Too many people want to start with the advanced stuff before they take care of the basics.  These two tips will help you get back to basics and start restoring your marriage.

Both of these steps are based on the fact that you are the only person you can change or control.  If you have been hoping to change your spouse, you might as well face that truth right now.  This may mean that you have to make some adjustments in your thinking and try looking at your problems from a different angle.  You can teach yourself to react in better ways to things in your marriage and you will almost certainly have better outcomes.

Step 1

Go ahead, right now, and tell yourself that your spouse and you are different.  Not only do you have different personalities and backgrounds, but men and women are just different in general.  We don't think the same or deal with things the same.  I'm not saying that one gender is better than the other, just that you shouldn't expect your spouse to always think about things in the same way you do.  Ignoring this truth is a recipe for trouble in your marriage.  On the other hand, learning to recognize how each of you are complimented by the other will be a big help in saving a marriage.

If there is one area where the difference between men and women is obvious in a relationship it's in the area of communication.  It is pretty well documented that males and females have some pretty big differences when it comes to how we exchange information.  For one thing, it is generally accepted that women tend to include a lot more details in a conversation while men are more likely to just want to get right to the point.  I've heard it put that women are like novels and men are like classified ads when it comes to how we communicate.

One result of this difference is that husbands sometimes feel like their wives just go on and on about things and wives often complain that their husbands don't ever want to talk to them.  If you and your spouse can learn that some of these tendencies are just "hard wired" into us it will make things a lot smoother in your marriage. 

Step 2

Once you have accepted that you and your spouse are just different, you need to face the fact neither of you is perfect.  It is almost guaranteed that both of you will screw up from time to time.  You are going to say or do something to hurt or anger each other.  One thing that is critical to saving a marriage is learning to forgive each other when you mess up.

Just accepting each other's imperfections will make it a lot easier to keep your marriage healthy.  Being quick to ask and grant forgiveness is one of the secrets of a happy relationship and one of the keys to saving a marriage in trouble.  That means to give yourself a break too.  While you certainly should try to improve those areas in your life where you recognize a problem, it does no good to beat yourself up every time you fail.  Resolve to learn from your mistakes, dust yourself off and keep trying to get better.

I said at the beginning that these two steps were not complicated, but sometimes simple ingredients make a great recipe.  If you really work on adopting these two principles into your relationship, you just might be able to quit worrying about saving a marriage.